Posts for Category Idiocy

Oct 212011
 

According to nutjob Harold Camping, I should be dead now. Or soon, anyway. Sometime today. I’ve completely lost interest in this whole stupid Rapture thing but felt compelled to make mention of it here anyway, since you expect it of me. Actually I had completely forgotten about it, despite the fact that it’s on my calendar, until an alert reader sent me this commentary by a Jesuit with a sense of humor, which you can go read in lieu of anything witty from me: It’s October 21: What I’ll miss when the world ends.

You can find my previous coverage here.

Update: The end is drawing nigher

The latest news on Judgment Day, which is guaranteed to happen on May 21.
Apr 072011
 

Did you know that Judgment Day is scheduled for May 21? If not, read my post from last year to get yourself caught up.

This week several Alert Readers sent me photos of this advertisement, which is up on buses and in subway stations here in Washington, DC:

Judgmentday

I was distracted by the guy on the right side of the ad, who seems to be taking a sunset crap on a beach, but Alert Reader T—— pointed out the gold seal of biblical guarantee on the left. Now I can’t decide which one is funnier.

The Family Radio site* has an even catchier graphic:

End_of_the_World

That’s right: 2012 is not allowed. This fits in with comments by one believer quoted in a recent Washington Post article about the zaniness: “God has put his stamp of approval that this is the day…I don’t doubt it, and I don’t look at the possibility of May 22 happening.”

The full details of the biblical guarantee can be found in Family Radio’s FAQ:

THE GREAT AMOUNT OF BIBLICAL SIGNS AND PROOFS ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE THAT JUDGMENT DAY WILL BEGIN ON MAY 21st THIS YEAR.

The FAQ has this information for doubters who do look at the possibility of May 22 happening:

What if May 21 ends and nothing occurs?

The Biblical evidence is too overwhelming and specific to be wrong. Christ’s people can look with great confidence to this date because God promises His “beloved” He will not come upon them as a thief in the night.

God in His mercy has revealed the vital information needed to know the day. Judgment Day on May 21, 2011 will occur because the bible declares it. Anyone whom God has not saved will arrive at that day with no hope for salvation. God warns simply the “door will be shut.”

So what’s in store for us on May 21?

A great earthquake will occur the Bible describes it as “such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great.” This earthquake will be so powerful it will throw open all graves. The remains of the all the believers who have ever lived will be instantly transformed into glorified spiritual bodies to be forever with God.

On the other hand the bodies of all unsaved people will be thrown out upon the ground to be shamed.

The inhabitants who survive this terrible earthquake will exist in a world of horror and chaos beyond description. Each day people will die until October 21, 2011 when God will completely destroy this earth and its surviving inhabitants.

It’s not clear to me from this summary what will happen to the living believers in this scenario, but I assume they’re supposed to go to heaven along with the believer corpses.

Sadly, the organizers of the Run for Your Lives (“a 5k obstacle course race & scavenger hunt, infested with Zombies”) did not get the memo. They invite participants to

CELEBRATE YOUR LAST DAY WITH US at the apocalypse party

You have survived the zombie invasion (for now) so celebrate your last day with, Zombie chili, hot dogs, hamburgers, assorted beverages and the all-important antidote, Beer.

But the event is on October 22, a day too late! We will all be completely destroyed by then and unable to participate.

Want more information? Visit the Family Radio site. Feeling optimistic? Register for the Run for Your Lives.

Notes

*
The Family Radio site and related propaganda are available in an impressive number of languages (look at the scrolling list under the judgment day graphic on the main page). Note that it’s not just the graphic that changes when you select a language—all the PDFs are also translated. These people are nothing if not thorough. Except that they didn’t include Icelandic on the list, so my friends in Iceland are all going to hell. If you speak Fulfulde (who knew?!), though, you’re covered.
Incidentally, the Washington Post article mentioned this Pew Research poll, which found that 41% of Americans believe that Jesus will return by 2050. Reassuringly, though, 46% do not believe this.
Aug 102010
 

Yep: “The theory of relativity is a mathematical system that allows no exceptions. It is heavily promoted by liberals who like its encouragement of relativism and its tendency to mislead people in how they view the world.” Apparently the home-school crowd thinks relativity and relativism are the same thing just because they sound similar.

It’s a “fact”: blood type is destiny

Did you know that your blood type tells you just as much about your personality as your star sign? It's a fact!
Aug 022010
 

Back in May I donated blood for the first time, and last week the organization that took it finally sent me my shiny new blood donor card. For the first time in my life, I now know my blood type: A negative, or “A-” as it is sometimes written. Because my brain has never fully left school behind, I was pleased to have received an A, but am slightly disappointed that I did not score an A+.

I immediately headed over to Google to find out how common my blood type is, and whether I could “improve” myself and score A+ next time I donate. (Please don’t write in to tell me I am an idiot: that last part is a joke.) As I typed “blood type” into Google, I noticed that the often-enlightening and occasionally even helpful auto-suggest engine was feeding me “blood type personality” as the very first suggestion.

Naturally I went to read more and was surprised to discover that in Japan and some other Asian cultures, many (or maybe just “some”) people think that one’s blood type is just as valid for predicting personality and interpersonal compatibility as one’s astrological sign. If you’re into anime or manga maybe you know this, since it’s apparently common for blood types to be mentioned for characters. Dating services and celebrity magazines include blood types along with star signs.

Continue reading »

Jun 192010
 

I snapped this picture today whilst sitting in traffic:

End of the world!

If only I hadn’t been driving, perhaps I could have better captured the splendor of this SUV, which is pimped out for the glory of some crazy person’s god. On the back there you can see the main message: “The End of the World is Almost Here!” Then something about god bringing judgment, and the date: May 21, 2011. The sides of the truck were all done up, too, with some more Bible verses and other crazy talk, and a reference to a radio station.

I sent the picture out on Twitter, which seemed like all the attention it deserved. But of course I can’t resist a chance for research and mockery, so I went and looked it all up. My conclusion: the “LV2BAK” personalized license plate here must be a reference to heavy marijuana usage, not to cookies and pies.

Continue reading »

May 202010
 

So it’s “Everyone Draw Muhammad Day” (or maybe “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day,” or is it “Mohammad” —no one seems to be sure) and of course everyone is dying to know what I will come up with. I’ve had figuratively thousands of people breathlessly asking when I will get around to making My Pronouncement. “What sort of hilarious picture will you draw, Bill?” “What’s your considered opinion on the pros and cons of the whole thing, Bill?” “Bill! Bill! Tell us what to think!” And finally I was like, “what am I, your prophet?”

Prophet Bill

Mostly I think it’s not worth devoting a lot of my brainpower to. In short: some Muslims are offended by depictions of Muhammad. Some Muslims are lunatics and think it’s OK to kill people over this, just like some Christians, Jews, and atheists are lunatics and think it’s OK to kill people over various real and imaginary insults. A lot of “decent” Muslims are getting a lot more worked up about these stupid cartoons than they did when people tried to kill cartoonists in the name of their god. A lot of decent non-Muslims want to make a point about this.

But this is the Internet, and all the crazies are out in force on both sides. If you look at online discussions like those in the Facebook group, you will find a few people on both sides making good, reasonable points. But mostly you will find what you expect: people on each side hurling insults at each other and not accomplishing anything other than to reinforce stereotypes and give the loonies an excuse to riot. For every Muslim saying that we will all burn in hell for drawing pictures you will also find a non-Muslim making the usual claims about all Muslims being terrorists, etc.

I say if you’re offended by images of your prophet, god, ingrown toenail, whatever, don’t look at them. Instead of fulminating over the insult to your religion, spend some time thinking about why your god would possibly care, and more importantly, what you can do about the crazy people who give your religion a bad name and provoked this whole thing.

The picture above, by the way, comes from the Mohammed Image Archive, which is a collection of depictions of Muhammad in art throughout the history of Islam. Many of the images were created by Muslims: different flavors of Islam have different ideas about whether depictions of Muhammad are allowed, and the nuttier sects will send you to hell for any depiction of an animate being.