picture of bill's head in a jarWhat's In Bill's Head?

Posts for Category Iceland

May 172012
 

Posts at Iceland Review and Raving Ravens report that Árni Johnsen, a member of the Icelandic parliament, has had a 24-ton boulder moved to his home in the Westman Islands off the Southern coast of Iceland. Árni wanted to save the stone from destruction because it’s home to some elves who saved his life two years ago when he crashed his car nearby. The stone was subsequently in danger of being paved under as the highway was widened, so Árni had it moved out of the path of construction. Now he’s decided to move it to his house.

He called in Ragnhildur Jónsdóttir, an expert from Álfagarðurinn (the Elf Garden), who is able to see and communicate with the elves. Iceland Review quotes Árni:

“She said it was incredible, that she had never met three generations of elves in the same boulder before.”

“She said an elderly couple lives on the upper floor but a young couple with three children on the lower floor,” the MP described.

The specialist concluded that the boulder’s inhabitants were content with the move. “But they asked whether the boulder could stand on grass. I said that was no problem but asked why they wanted grass. ‘It’s because they want to have sheep,’ Ragnhildur replied,” Árni continued.

The specialist also said that the elves wish for the boulder’s “window side” to face the view. “I promised to do so,” Árni stated.

The boulder was trucked to its new location while the elves rode in a sheepskin-lined basket in Ragnhildur’s Peugeot, eating honey all the way. You can see pictures of all this at Visir and video at Morgunblaðið and RÚV.

This may not be the storybook happy ending it seems, though. In a followup article, Iceland Review reports that Magnús Skarphéðinsson, principal of the Icelandic Elf School, has doubts about whether the elves really consented to the move. Magnús warns that accidents are known to follow disruptions of elf settlements. Indeed, only last year some construction equipment breakdowns were blamed on angry elves, and such elf-related problems are common.

If it’s true that Árni has taken the elves’ home without their consent, it wouldn’t be the first time he has stolen property in the name of home improvement. As described in The Iceland Weather Report, Árni was convicted several years ago of corruption, fraud, and embezzlement for taking money from the National Theatre (which he oversaw) to pay for the construction and renovation of his homes.

What may surprise you most about all of this elf business is the fact that it’s being reported mostly with a straight face. That’s because belief in elves (more correctly, huldufólk, or “hidden people”)–or at least acceptance of the possibility of their existence–is fairly widespread in Iceland (see articles in Iceland Review and Slate).

While many Icelanders regard the elves mostly as something to avoid when building roads, others, like Hallgerdur Hallgrímsdóttir, enjoy having sex with them. Her blog, Sex with Humans is Boring, is no longer being updated, but you can watch a video of her discussing sex with elves (and her book about it) at VICE. Her elves apparently are much taller than the basket-sized ones that Árni kidnapped.

 

Dear art director: look in the mirror

 Posted by Bill on October 7, 2011 at 10:02 am
Oct 072011
 

annoying CitiBank adI’ve been seeing this ad from Citibank in the paper frequently for the last few weeks, and every time I do it leaps out at me. Which I guess is the point, except that it leaps out at me in an annoying way. I’m not sure why.

The copy reads:

A Citibank checking relationship comes with lots of rewards. The first could be a gift card.

Maybe it’s the dumb, excited look on her face as she looks in the mystery bag. Maybe it’s the fact that she looks like she’s excited about a surprise from the bag, but she has presumably bought whatever it is herself, so there’s nothing to be surprised about. Maybe it’s the fact that the ad is so full of the usual advertising hedge phrases: “Get up to $400 in gift cards.” “The first could be a gift card.”

Or maybe it’s just the fact that they wanted her to be facing a different direction than she was when they took the picture, so they flipped it horizontally without anyone noticing that she’s wearing wedding and engagement rings, which are now on the wrong hand, unless maybe she’s European.

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I did buy a really cool raised relief map of Iceland

 Posted by Bill on October 6, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Oct 062011
 

Two weeks ago I ordered a raised relief map of Iceland from an Icelandic Web site, hoping that it would a) arrive and b) be awesome. As of yesterday, the answers are a) yes and b) yes.

Wednesday morning, as I was sitting at my desk, still in pajamas but on the clock and working hard, I heard the mail truck coming through the neighborhood, and then the doorbell rang. Like a kid at Christmas I ran downstairs to sign for my delivery:

the box my map arrived in

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I think I just bought a really cool raised relief map of Iceland

 Posted by Bill on September 23, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Sep 232011
 

As many of you know, I have been fascinated by Iceland* ever since I saw the movie Cold Fever back in 1995. I also like maps, and ever since I finally visited Iceland in 2007, I have been trying to find a raised relief map of Iceland (a 3-D map that shows the land contours). I can’t remember how I got the idea in my head—maybe I saw one while I was there, or maybe it just seemed like a nice thing to have. But I was never able to find one.

Instead I’ve made do with this map (awesome in its own way) as my souvenir map of Iceland:

Map of Iceland showing area where passenger cars are not allowed to drive

Bill with the map

See: me with the map, in the rental car

This is the map you find in your rental car at the airport. Note the giant section of the country marked “Area Where Passenger Cars are Not Allowed to Drive.”

The map now hangs over the toilet in the powder room in my house, so every time I use that toilet it’s like I’m back in Iceland.

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Link: Icelandic penis donor dies

 Posted by Bill on January 16, 2011 at 8:19 pm  Iceland
Jan 162011
 

Páll Arason, who bequeathed his penis to the Icelandic Phallological Museum, died on January 5

Quoth the raven nevermore

 Posted by Bill on October 14, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Oct 142010
 

If Edgar Allan Poe had been Icelandic, “The Raven” might have turned out very differently for the smug bird.

Last week in the Icelandic town of Grundahverfi, a woman found a raven terrifying her child and dog:

The raven landed on our patio…The raven perched on the patio wall and stared …The child was terrified, screamed and ran inside with the dog. If I hadn’t managed to close the door the raven would have followed them inside. The beast then hung around on the patio croaking viciously for a long time.

Staring and croaking, of course, is exactly the sort of hooliganism that Poe’s raven was up to. Unlike the housewife in Grundahverfi, who knew better than to allow such a thing of evil into her home, Poe’s narrator foolishly flung open his shutter to allow the ominous bird of yore to flutter in and perch above the chamber door. From this perch the grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt fowl proceeded to croak at the poor man repeatedly, with its fiery eyes burning into his bosom’s core.

The narrator, not equipped with a telephone to summon assistance or a baseball bat to whack the thing with, could do no better than to plead with the craven bird to leave his home. This proved ineffectual, and the shrieking, emotionally-broken man was left to live out his days under the demon’s mocking shadow and incessant croaking.

In Iceland, though, people are of necessity more resourceful. The woman did exactly what you would expect: she telephoned the police.

I imagine the call went something like this:

“Police department. What’s your emergency?”

“Oh, it’s just ghastly!”

“What is it? Another volcanic eruption?”

“No! It’s [unintelligible sobbing]—”

“Oh, god! Not more psychopathic Americans on a killing spree!”

“No, it’s a horrible beast, tossed here ashore by a tempest!”

“You mean another polar bear floated over from Greenland?”

“No, no—worse! It’s a raven! A ghastly, grim, and ancient raven!”

“Put your head at ease, ma’am. We’re on our way!”

Fearful that the menacing bird might stab someone in the heart with its beak, an intrepid police officer “terminated” it, shouting, I imagine, “Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore, bitch!”

And that’s one raven that won’t be quoting at anyone any more.

* * *

News sources do not specify exactly how the raven was “terminated,” but police made it clear that no firearms were involved, “because that would not have been practical in the middle of a residential area.” As a friend of Bill’s Head has observed, if the Icelandic police want to be better prepared next time, they could learn a thing or two from police in Washington, DC, about shooting animals in the middle of a residential area.

 

Link: Playing fiddle while driving

 Posted by Bill on September 14, 2010 at 9:03 pm  Humor, Iceland
Sep 142010
 

Reykjavík Police stopped a man who had been reported to be playing a fiddle while driving